Wesley, stealing from Augustine, once said something like "As to the essentials unity, as to the non-essentials think and let think, in all things charity." (I am not sure of the exact quote and to be honest I am just too lazy to look it up!)
No matter the exact wording or whether Wesley stole it from Augustine I think the spirit of the quote serves us well today in the church as we argue about everything from the color of the new carpet in the sanctuary to whether homosexual persons should be ordained or married. Wesley is really warning about majoring in the minors. We should not major in the minors.
When it comes to the essentials of the faith- who Jesus is, what Jesus did, and the bedrocks of Christianity- there can be no debate. When it comes to the non-essentials- how much water we use in baptism, how often we receive communion, whether there is a pre-millenial rapture or not- we have to think and let think.
While all that sounds wonderful (and it is in many ways), the questions becomes what are the essentials. You and I might disagree about the essentials. For me, I find the essentials in the Bible as defined in the Apostles' Creed or the Articles of Religion.
I do believe in the end we can avoid a lot of useful arguing about many of the "hot button" issues of our day if we just step back and live into the spirit of what Wesley said. As I like to say about many of these "hot button" issues- when every stomach in the world is filled and every person has clean drinking water and shelter and when every person has heard the name of Jesus and had the opportunity to respond then I will give more energy to the non-essentials.
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